They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Hmmm, makes me wonder if I have I ever really been in love? I don’t know, after all, each time I think I’m in love and give it a shot, it has just exploded. Yes, I’ve tried to give love a chance, but what does that really mean? What I remember most are the sick feelings in my stomach wondering when my husband would come home, who he was with, how much money he spent that we didn’t have, if he was still angry…
Anyway, how do two people know when they are in love? Is it the butterflies in their stomachs? Is it the pitter patter of their hearts? Is it how much or how little they have in common? Is it what one can offer the other…emotional support, financial security, children? I can tell you one thing for sure…if it’s real love, there shouldn’t be fear. One should not fear the one they love. One should not feel the need to walk on eggshells or hide from the truth of what happens behind closed doors.
I see my parents and think what they have is real love, but I have yet to find it. Sure my parents bicker, get upset, and time and again hurt each other’s feelings, but there is no jealousy, rage, control or resentment in their relationship. They respect each other enough to talk things through. They are sincere when they apologize to each other. They live their lives for each other and not for anyone or anything else.
My parent’s met on a blind date back in the days when relationships were respected and courtship was something to be cherished. My Aunt arranged a meeting for them one of the nights my Mom and she played bingo. The moment my Dad saw my Mom, he fell absolutely head over heals for her. He knew that he was going to marry her. They dated for a while and always accompanied by my uncle. You see, back then, when a man courted a woman, they had to be escorted. My parents both came from large families and they too wanted to have a big family. When they were only able to conceive one child, they didn’t ask the Lord why or build resentment towards one another, instead they were grateful for the love they shared and lived the very best they could. They let no obstacle come between their love.
When I imagine what love is…I think of the bond that two people have whether they are together or apart. It is knowing, without saying, what the other needs. It is doing for the other just because and not for what one will get in return. It is about making sacrifices for one another and meeting each other in the middle when you don’t see eye to eye. It’s doing what you say you are going to do. It’s where one’s strengths help balance the other’s weaknesses. It’s growing together as individuals and in partnership. It’s cherishing that person, not taking them for granted. It’s how the two work “together” to get through the tough times, making the relationship stronger. It’s about two people becoming one.
I’m not giving up on love. One day, I’ll meet the one who cherishes me, accepts the love I offer, respects me and laughs at my jokes. I’ll meet someone that I can just be in a room with and not have to say a word and know that everything is okay because we are in each other’s lives. Someday, I’ll finally get to feel what is real love…love without fear and puts a real smile on my face.